he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
