i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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