it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
