Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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