Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
