Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
