Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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