Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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