U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize