party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
