i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He kissed a someone with a penis
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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