Me too!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
