is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
