I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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