We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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