i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I said "one day" and that day is not today
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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