Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
