He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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