I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
