Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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