You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
