You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
