is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
