Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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