Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
