The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
