So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
