I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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