So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
