Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
