I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
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