I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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