Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
