What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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