Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
