i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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