What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
