Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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