Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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