when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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