He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
