I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
