I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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