peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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