just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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