so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
