I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
