I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
