I cockslap morals
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
