I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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