the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
