grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
