You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
