remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
