The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
