Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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