I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
