DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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