I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
