the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
