Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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