i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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