I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i don't like sucking hair
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
