Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
please come you make the beer taste better
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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