i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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