everyone is single if you try hard enough
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
