the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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