Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
